Chasing Hillary Chapter 7

THE SHIRLEY PARTRIDGE CONNECTION

I have never been much for T.V. I stopped watching T.V. in 1981, when I left home for art school.
My heyday of television was in the early 70's. The main T.V. excitement of the week took place on Friday nights, when both the Partridge Family AND The Brady Bunch aired. Ya Hoo!
I ate it up the styles, the colors, the bright Mondrain look. To this day, I consider these shows be some of my main artistic influences.
Dressing up like Shirley Partridge was something I did in the 80's and 90's on a fairly regular basis. I always had a velvet suit, a ruffley shirt, and a blonde Shirley wig on hand. "Shirley" came on stage and sang background "ba da das" at many of our band's shows.

I painted all of my art cars in an underlying Mondrian background.



I also painted Shirley pretty often.


"Shirley takes a break" 1996

In fact, I made most of my paltry living as a New York street artist selling "Shirley Shrines".


Shirley Shrine 1996

Hillary's resemblance to Shirley was never lost on me. I connected those dots a long time ago.

Enter Hillary Clinton.

Life is fun!

The funniest birthday card ever, from Hillforceone!

Chasing Hillary Chapter 6

GETTING CAUGHT

The first time I got nailed by the Clinton's secret service for being somewhere I shouldn't be in an art car was in 1994.
My boyfriend and I had a car called "The Funk Ambulance". It was a huge 1978 Oldsmoblile '98, rebuilt to look something like an ambulance.



Painted in playing lions, the Funk Ambulance was equipped with an intricate light system, lots of extra horns, a water balloon catapult, working disco ball, an industrial farm sprinkler system, 4 foot high speakers, and sleeping quarters. The switch board next to the driver's seat looked like something out of Star Trek. We were ready to rock at any given moment.

Our performance art band "Diarrhea Roses" had just finished another night of rehearsal on Martha's Vineyard. We were giving a friend a ride home.


The Roses first incarnation, "Cottage Cheese Thighsburg" circa 1986

As we drove past the dirt road the Clintons were staying down, somebody came up with a bad idea.
"Hey, let's see how far we can go down the Clinton's road". Brilliant.
We didn't get far before secret service men appeared from out of nowhere on the dark, dusty road.
They called the police. We were searched. Try explaining to humorless Washington D.C. secret servicemen why you have a sprinkler system mounted on your roof and a 50 gallon water tank under pressure in your back seat.
This wouldn't be the last time I'd have a lot of explaining to do.

Hillary art through the ages

These past couple of years I've made a lot of Hill-art and had a few different headquarters.

My first Hillary art Headquarters was called "El-Change-O!" It was clearly the most grand, and definitely the most expensive.



My next studio was out on my land in the desert. It is a little shack with no electricity or running water. It's fun but can be problematic.




Hill-art treasure trove!

My current studio is in my house, not bad for the time being.



And of-course I always have my traveling Hillcar to work on!



Today I posted "Hillart for sale", to your right.
I decided I need to keep the Hillary art moving, as my house is bursting at the seams with the stuff! Hillary continues to be my muse, so I'm just going to go right on painting her. I'm pricing everything very affordably, and will be added more on a regular basis.
Check it out!

Hillary Clinton, Bunker or Crisper?

Hillary Clinton has BUNKER written all over her!



Barack Obama, on the other hand, is clearly a CRISPER!

For those of you not in the know, there are 2 kinds of people, Bunkers and Crispers.
Anyone who went to our "Bunkers and Crisper's Convention" knows, without a shadow of a doubt, exactly what they are.




Goldie is a classic Crisper.
Fun, easy going, people pleasing, up-beat, the hit of the party! They are sun people.
Crispers are spontaneous, and light-hearted. They are not planners.
Clothing: colorful, casual, ready to party
Favorite drink: fruity, sparkly drinks




Joan is a classic Bunker.
Bunkers are the planners and instigators. They are moon people.
They are lovers of secrets, mysteries and secret societies.
Clothing: deep velvets, dramatic flair, costumes
Favorite drink: red wine in a goblet

I have done extensive research on this topic, and can tell you that you can't be both. You may be Bunker with Crisper rising, for example, but you are primarily one or the other.
I can explain further if your not certain, but for now I leave you to answer this question....

Are you a Bunker or a Crisper?

Bisbee's only parking meter

I got this parking meter at the thrift store yesterday for a buck.



I've decided to put it out wherever I park the Hillcar. Turns out it's a piggy bank too!
My boyfriend thinks it's funniest if I leave it saying "expired", because who else is stupid enough to carry around an expired parking meter? But I'm thinking about having it say "8 more years".

What do you think?

Chasing Hillary Chapter 5

LOAVES AND FISHES

It's late August and the Clintons are visiting the Island. They always come at this time of year to celebrate Bill's birthday. It's a strange time of year. Fall is beginning to make it's presence known. The days are getting shorter and the nights are getting cooler. People are preparing to go back home and return to their regular lives. Kids are getting ready to go back to school. Tim and I are preparing to sail away in the Dragon raft for the winter.
Shirley calls me and asks if I can help her with the last party of the season. It's a party for writer, David McCullough at the Guggenheim's house. Shirely has never worked for Mrs. Guggenheim, but it is a favor to Art Buchwald.
I get to the house and Shirley is in a tizzy. "Your not going to believe this", she whispers. "Mrs. Guggenheim called me yesterday and insisted that I not buy ANY food. She said her refrigerator was completely full and she is leaving the island soon. She doesn't want anything to go to waste! Oh, my.... I'm glad I brought these shish-kabobs!"
Just then Mrs. Guggenheim comes into the kitchen saying "loaves and fishes, Shirley, loaves and fishes".
"She's been saying that all afternoon", Shirley whispers to me when we are alone again. "She expects me to make loaves and fishes from this..." She said, pointing to the small quantity of potatoes, carrots, brussel sprouts and a little bit of fish in front of her.

The phone rings and Shirley answers it. "O.K., Wendy, sauté the shallots until their soft, then add half and half plus some of the lobster broth, O.K., call me if you need me again... and put some shoes on!".
Shirley explains to me that her daughter Wendy is cooking a birthday dinner for Bill Clinton tonight at Vernon Jordan's house. Wendy works for Vernon. The dinner is just for the two men.


Bill and vernon playing golf on the Vineyard


"I didn't know Wendy can cook", I said.
"She can't really, that's why I'm helping her. I just wish she'd wear some shoes". Wendy is known for going barefoot all summer long. The phone rings half a dozen more times before the guests arrive for their pathetic meal. Each phone call ends with the topic of shoes.

Looking at the food, I'm pretty sure I can eat this entire dinner for 12 people all by myself. As I serve "loaves and fishes" to each guest, each of whom is world famous for one thing or another, I can't help but feel sorry for them. On each plates there is one shish-kabob, 3 baby potatoes, 2 brussel sprouts, and about an ounce of fish.
As soon as dinner is on the table, Mrs. Guggenheim says "O.K., Shirely, you can go home now. I'll just have Gretchen stay to clean up".
"Over my dead body", Shirley whispers to me. "She just wants me to leave to save money".

Everyone makes their excuses and leaves early, hoping there might still be some dinner at home, no doubt. The meal is a complete disaster. It's amazing how some of the richest people in the world can be some of the cheapest people in the world.

Wendy, on the other-hand, served a fun, successful, and delicious dinner to Bill and Vernon... barefoot.

Chasing Hillary Chapter 4

Lunch consisted of a fresh lobster salad, Island summer tomatoes with fresh basil and mozzarella, roasted local baby red potatoes, and salad. Grand Dame champagne was served to wash it all down. Everyone loved it except Marlo, who refused to touch it.


(Random photo with Hillary, Walter Cronkite, Marlo and others)

After lunch everyone resumed chatting, and we went into the kitchen to begin cleaning. Looking out the window I noticed Phil, standing alone in the misty rain on the edge of the lawn. He was staring out at the dragon raft. After some time I decided to go down out and visit him.



"Do you have any idea what that is?" he asked, pointing towards the raft.
'It's my sailing raft houseboat". I answered.
"Sailing?" he laughed. "How on earth do you sail that thing?"
"It has a square sail. It only sails down wind. We have to wait till the weather is exactly right to travel in it".
"How does it float?" he asked.
"It's made of logs and foam". I answered. Phil pondered this for a moment.
"And you actually live on it?"
"Yes, we built it in Provincetown last winter and have lived on it since then".
"How long did it take you to sail from Provincetown?" He asked, eyes sparkling.
"About 5 months".
He laughed, grabbed my arm, and pulled me back towards the party. "My wife has GOT to meet you!"

Phil dragged me into tent. Marlo was talking with Carly Simon and Walter Cronkite.
"Marlo! Marlo ,this is Gretchen, you absolutely have to see her raft. It's incredible!" Phil still had me by the arm.
"Phil, I'm right in the middle of inviting Carly and Walter for lunch on our yacht tomorrow".
"Great, but you've GOT to come out and see this girl's houseboat! It looks like a dragon and she sails it, it's wild!"
"Phil, I'm buzy. We are having lunch tomorrow at noon". Marlo sniped.
Phil still had me by the arm as he and Marlo began to argue full force.
Walter Cronkite, Carly, and the gang all looked like deer in the headlights, as I'm sure I did too. I wanted to run back into the kitchen but I couldn't get away.
"MARLO, THIS SIMPLY WILL NOT DO!" Phil yelled. "We are going to go out on Gretchen's boat today!"
"What time can you take us out, Gretchen?" Phil asked.
All eyes were on me now.



"Whatever time you would like", I answered, hoping this all would end.
"We'll talk about this LATER, Phil!", Marlo said as she swung around and continued her conversation about lunch on her yacht.
Phil set a time later that day, but he never came by.

I heard later on that Marlo spent the rest of the day drinking vodka tonics. She got wasted and went up to Art Buchwald's house around dinner time. Shirley's daughter was there cooking. She sat down in the kitchen (gasp!) and promptly ate an entire bag of candy corn!

Chasing Hillary Chapter 3

"Excuse me! excuse me!" Marlo Thomas sticks her arm into the kitchen and waves it around. She is clenching something in her fist. The kitchen is a zone for servants in her mind, so she refuses to step foot into it.
I go over to help her. I open my hand to receive whatever it is she seems to want to get rid of. Marlo squashes a piece of used gum squarely into my palm and says "trash".
I don't feel to badly because I'm already aware that nobody at this party actually likes her. People sometimes forget the help has ears... an a mouth it seems.


Marlo Thomas and Elaine May

Before this party started, a birthday party for Elaine May, who starred in "A New Leaf" with Walter Matheau, I over-heard some choice nuggets. I was setting up the buffet and couldn't help listening to the conversation between the hosts and some of the early guests.
"She's a bitch. We only put up with her because we love Phil".
I notice she never makes eye contact with the help. Food just magically appears out of the air for her, as we are just food receptacles for Marlo. Food that she generally waves away and dismisses with disgust.



Marlo's husband at the time, Phil Donahue, is the complete opposite. The first thing Phil does when arriving at the party is run to the kitchen to tease and flirt with Shirley. Shirley, who is almost 70, adores Phil. Next Phil sits down and asks Shirley about her life. He usually spends as much time in the kitchen, laughing with us,as he does at the party.
Phil and Marlo always arrive by yacht, as this party is at a sea-side home. Walter Cronkite does the same thing. One other person arrived via the ocean on this particular year, and that person is me.

Shirley called me the day before and asked me if I could work. I agreed and said I'd see her tomorrow. Then a horrible thought occurred to me. My sailing dragon raft, that my then-husband and I lived on, was anchored directly in front of the house where the party was going to be. I called Shirley back. "Should we move it?" I asked Shirley. "No, leave it right where it is, Gretchen", and so it was.

The day was one of those gray, drizzling New England days. The party was held on the front lawn under a large white tent. The guest list was the same as always... Carly Simon, Walter Cronkite, The Styrons, Mike Wallace, Diane Sawyer, Art Buchwald, Kitty Carlyle, Mike Nicols,etc. No one seemed to notice, as they sipped their cocktails, chatted and nibbled on h'orderves, a brightly painted, psychedelic, dragon raft bobbing merrily in the ocean directly in front of their eyes. No one, that is, except Phil Donahue.



To be continued.....

Chasing Hillary Chapter 2

The caterer I worked for is a lovely older woman named Shirley. She reminds me a bit of Doris Day with her classic style and elegance. Shirley catered these parties and only these parties, and had done so for years. No one would ever dare to hire anyone else. Shirley's daughters were her main helpers, and I just helped where I could.

Shirley called me and asked me if I could work a dinner Art Buchwald was having that night. I was to keep the word mum that President Clinton may be the guest of honor. I loved Art's house. Though it's an old New England house it's decor was straight from the 1970's. Some interior designer had decorated it in say, 1975, and it hadn't been touched since.
I loved the hopelessly optimistic banana yellow vinyl upholstery that was everywhere. It was a great complement to the gold crackled mirror tiles.


Art Buchwald

Art's house was buzzing with nervous energy and excitement that afternoon. Art had received word that, yes, President Clinton may be arriving, but they can never tell you for sure for security reasons.
We were all working in the kitchen when the phone rang. It was Bill Stryon. Bill and Rose would not be attending, as they had decided to throw a little house party of their own that night. Weird. Throw a party on the same night as Art's and not invite Art? Not have Shirley cater? A cardinal sin! And, hello, the President might be coming?

More phone calls. Walter Cronkite canceled. Then others. It didn't take long for the truth to come out. Bill and Rose Stryon invited President Clinton to THEIR house that night too, and that's where the President decided to go.


Walter Cronkite and Bill Clinton

Dinner was a somber affair. Art was livid. As we served dinner to this brooding bunch, it was clear that everyone was wishing they were down the street at the Styron's house.