Friday, September 12, 2008

Hillary's thoughts on Sarah

Dear Gretchen,
It's been a long time since I had the opportunity to write to you. Between the convention and subsequent turn of events, I've had little time to collect my thoughts. But I wanted to take a moment to share with you and your readers something that I know you have all been wondering, namely, my thoughts about Sarah.
In a nutshell, she's a first-degree loony who happens to have great legs and full breasts. I've noticed that people often turn their head when she goes in for a kiss or a hug, suggesting that she may be chronically plagued with bad breath. This is not surprising given the quantity of fresh kill she eats, which also explains her ruddy complexion.  But she does have a quick mind and a self-effacing style, which she draws significant mileage from.
As for me personally, well, let's just say I'm perturbed by her. She uses me. All that I stand for, all of my years of service she makes her own by association. It's an association of gender, a fabricated empathy, all in the name of shameless self-promotion. She speaks of me as if we were friends. I have never met this woman!
Why anyone gives this sly creature the time of day is beyond belief. But it is what it is. I just pray every night before I go to bed that I will never encounter her in the flesh. God help me if I find myself in the same room with her. It may lead to the moment the mainstream media has been waiting for. There's one more thing I want to mention about this woman, Sarah Ferguson. According to Elsa, head of my secret Secret Service, she talks to herself in front of the mirror.
Enough about her. How are you Gretchen? You are, after all, the leader the Hillary Clinton Army, the finest group of men and women in the blogosphere. Your fantastic stewardship of this impressive group of misfits is evidence of great character and sass. May the force of fun be with you always. May you always retain the sexy in "Hillary". God bless you and all of your followers.

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