Wednesday, August 6, 2008

A letter from Hillary Clinton

Dear Gretchen,
Who the hell is Sarah Ferguson and why does she need an army? And tell me, does my army still exist? It better because I $&#ing need it! OK? Are we clear? And another thing. I know of a Sarah Ferguson, one in New York, who is a freak in my opinion. She's stalks me on the internet and imagines us to be friends. She is clearly delusional and doesn't need an army! If I find out of the resources of the Hillary Clinton Army have been diverted to support the bizarre habits of this pathetic woman, I'm going to be mad as hell.

Now Gretchen, you and I, we go back a long time. I have fond memories of our time together and I look forward to spending more time with you in Denver and, quite possibly, on the campaign in 2012. I know the HillCar will be there, whenever I need her. I can't tell you how much I appreciate everything you have brought to the campaign and what you have done for me. Thank you. Now give me back my f$&#ing army and get to work!

Sincerely,

Hillary





Here is my reply:

From the desk of the Hillary Clinton Army

Dear Hillary,
You know that I have been a loyal supporter of your from the day you announced you candidacy. Who else would form an army just for you?
I just figured you wouldn't mind if the H.C.A. took a day off from the Hillary front lines and gave a little attention to others in need of an occasional army. I mean, other people sometimes need armies too! Especially misunderstood artists who have also dedicated all their time, money, and talents to you.
Certainly you've realized that simply by the law of averages, some artist would obsess on what you look like naked enough to get busy painting you in the nude. Be thankful that that someone is an extremely talented painter, and happens to be the number one up-and-coming artist in New York! The law of averages also say that someone would make a Hillary Clinton art car and drive around the country for you, again you should be thankful that someone is me, and not some delusional, obsessed, woman who just doesn't know when to quit!
Now although the chances are slim that these two should join forces, I must inform you that this has indeed happened. The "perfect storm" is brewing in Hillary dreamland. So while your out galavanting around the country stumping for Barrack Obama (yuck!), the Hillary Clinton Army has decided to devote a little time to their new favorite artist, Sarah Ferguson.
Perhaps if you devoted a little more attention to your tried and true supporters, and less time propping up B.O., your army wouln't get so distracted!
Gretchen Baer
Leader of the Hillary Clinton Army

27 comments:

Anonymous said...

Dear gretchen-----what Granny-o thinks is that there is a stand-off brewing and there should be a paint off between you and Sarah-(oh, I do love that girl)and Hillary,and seeing thatI am going to be sitting on my hoohoo in the Central Hall doing not much,I could crochet some Antimacassars to cover all of the important spots that you may not wish to be seen--Oh what fun,Dears!!! what colors do you prefer?--Love Grannie-O

El-Change-O! said...

First I have to look up the word Antimacassars.
(having done that...)
You must be on the same wave-length, because we have been talking about an art show in the Treaty room!

Barbara said...

Gretchen,
What's with the Sarah Ferguson army? Man, that's one hell of an insult to Mother Eagle. We should be supporting her in hopes that she gets the Vice President position if that's what she wants. She's playing the game perfectly and she needs her army back.

The Handy Goddess

El-Change-O! said...

Barbara, finally someone with a head on their shoulders! I was getting carried away with my adoration of Sarah Ferguson! I'll put it to right, right this minute! Thanks for looking out for us, and for Mother Eagle!

Jeanne said...

El-change-o! Thank you for changing the title back - Sarah Ferguson was barely able to get through the doorway into her apartment due to her swollen head.

p.s.- Love23- the postcards arrived today and they are amazing- please send a picture of the Anti-smoking car!

p.p.s. El-Change-o! - I did not see the super creative, top-secret spy kit that arrived for special agent Ferguson, nor will I be wearing a secret decoder ring or handcuffs to work tomorrow.

Flying Mermaid said...

Ohh! I'm so excited the spy kit arrived!

But what I came over here for was to see if you've seen this video. I won't know if HTML works here until I post this, but if it doesn't, I'll come back with the link...

Flying Mermaid said...

Well,m they don't allow HTML -- will they allow a copy and pastable link?

http://www.clearspring.com/widgets/4824f65f50c7cc4b?p=489a4a71e958a12a

Jeanne-Mee said...

Jeanne-mee love post long time - come by vermeil room I give you super special eel dance onry for you sexy mermaid flyer!

love23 said...

Hey Jeanne, I am glad you like the post cards, I don't have a post card of the Anti-Smoking Car, but do have a photo that's digital, I can email a copy to Sarah's email and you can check it out there. Over and out, watch out for that Secret Spy Kit, it has magical powers, I hear.

El-Change-O! said...

Jeanne, I specifically added 2 secret decoder rings and 2 H.C.A. pins, so that you both would have one. Tell Sarah to fork yours over!
Oh, wait a minute...I'm a little slow, it's dawning on me now...
You mean...you'll be wearing the decoder ring, the press pass, the hand cuffs, AND the spy/S+M mask to work tomorrow, right? I'm guessing you'll also be trying to pass a check for 38.62 from a Joanne Worley!

Jeanne said...

shh I am at work and wearing secret decoder ring only. Sarah Ferguson said that it would make me invisible, but when I left for work this morning I got the impression that people could see me so I went home and put my clothes on, just to be safe.
I know I am not an official Mother Eagle spy but I will out help when I can.
Love23 - yes please send pics !!

Jesse said...

Yeah, the spy kit arrived safe and sound. Being Secret Service I worry about these things. I got my Sarah book and want to show it off at work...but I think everyone here in Bisbee has seen it already. See you at work tonight Gretch...

Jesse said...

I was just going back and reading old posts...I'm sorry to tell you Jakie-O but as Secret Service I called The Truman Balcony long ago. I need a spot to overlook all the goings on. Of course, by now this is old news to you and I see you have laid claim to the main hall instead, please know you are welcome to visit the balcony at ANYTIME. I feel I need to get the inside scoop on Gretchen's wild carefree childhood and the fab parents she had to bring her up. Also Louise says, "Just try it, my eyes NEVER close."

El-Change-O! said...

Jeanne, As leader of the H.C.A., I sincerely thank you for your work, and would like to officially welcome you to the ranks!
Yes, Jeanne, your eyes are not deceiving you! I am asking you join one of the highest ranking positions in the H.C.A., Official Mother Eagle spy!
First of all, the fact that you live in New York, Hillary's home state, is very useful to us. We don't get enough spy action out here in Arizona, which is of-course why we are moving into the White House.
Second of all, we appreciate your commitment to the cause, and your daringness to just jump in, un-trained, into such a difficult and dangerous profession!
You do need training though. Before you attempt to go into the public naked again, we insist that you attend out next H.C.A. boot camp, here in Arizona.
We will be informing you as to the details of said Bootcamp, in the near future.
Keep up the good work!
Gretchen
Leader of the Hillary Clinton Army

Jesse said...

Thank you for the book Sarah, I sent a thank you postcard your way today.

Sarah Ferguson said...

Kate, love the "Hex-Mex"! And I really like the "Love23" card with the deep blue sky and your head popping up behind the car. Thanks for sending them.
You're the Queen of Collage!

Sarah Ferguson said...

Thanks Jesse! I found the rubber handcuffs this morning under Jeanne's pillow. But the weird thing is I wasn't there last night, I was in my studio. Hmmm...

Jeanne said...

Special Agent Ferguson has already begun my spy training. When I got home from work today, she instructed me to do the laundry. I asked her what that had to do with spy work. She said, "I'm sorry , did Gretchen send you the spy kit?"

El-Change-O! said...

Jeanne, if you feel that Agent Ferguson is abusing her power as" Official Spy to Mother Eagle ", you need to report this infraction to the H.C.A.!
You need to have atleast 3 documented instances to make your case. I recommend you install secret mini video cameras ( unbeknownst to Agent Ferguson) in key places such as over your bed, in the shower, and in the refrigerator.
An H.C.A. team of experts will need to review said videos, to make a proper assessment.
As it stands right now, however, I believe Agent Ferguson actions are in accordance with the rules of the H.C.A.

Jeanne said...

But I didn't say I thought it was an infraction. I do what I'm told! And if she said it's part of the training, then so be it!

Anonymous said...

I love my spy kit!!!Does this mean that I can be an Agent? I really love the pen and Invisible ink.I'm going to try it out right now---Granny will tell you a secret about Gretche.......

Anonymous said...

Gretchen--------Hadn't thought about initials before you began reffering to B.O. Are we to spend the next 4 years sniffing our armpits?------grannie-o

Anonymous said...

Love23--I am having a hell of a time working on my bejeweled Slate table--I have wonderful stuff from the Dumptique----but it is either raining and it takes my booty a day to dry --or the sun bakes me into a molten pool I suppose the answer would be a large umbrella hanging from the sky.-----if I wait long enough maybe the snows will come.I would say that it about half done.Eventually I will send pictures. Granny-o

love23 said...

Jackie-O I saw the beginning of your amazing collage, and I think it's super FABULOUS! I would love to see the completed project, and yes get yourself a large umbrella and keep going, it takes 24 hours for, oh let's just say 23! hours for the 100% silicone to dry. When will you grace us with your fantastic self again! and bring Gene-O to play us some great music too! xoKATE

love23 said...

Sarah, thanks for your kind comments, they really mean alot coming from New York's #1 artist! One of the brightest too! Can't wait to show you first hand my environment collages in Bisbeeland, bring Jeanne too, but of course! We'll roll out the leopard carpet for your arrival!

El-Change-O! said...

Jeanne, as you already know, the H.C.A.'s mottos is "All Sergeants,No Soldiers!" which in legal terms means you don't have to let Agent Ferguson boss you around! But we all know the H.C.A. is over-wrought with bullies.. Why, even I've been told I'm a little too pushy at times!
This seems more like a private matter. Agent Ferguson DOES in-fact have more spy-training than you do. If you would to allow her to show you the ropes ( not included in the Spy kit), this may get you up to speed all the faster. However the Boot camp is mandatory and will eventually have to be completed.

El-Change-O! said...

Grannie-O! Though we all know you are sitting on your arsenal on Martha's Vineyard, this doesn't mean you have to flaunt it to the H.C.A.!
I know you've got booty that you could flash at any moment, but must you air the Baer family dirty laundry in public?