Thursday, August 21, 2008

The plot thickens.....

Finally, the answer to the question on everyone's mind,

What---is----in ---- Sarah ------ Ferguson's ----- bikebag?

Shall be revealed......





Dear Gretchen,

I write today to inform you of the contents found in Sarah Ferguson's bike bag. The report summarizes the findings of Elsa, head of my secret service detail, who conducted Sarah's strip search. The full report, including results from the rectal swab, will be received from the lab shortly. In the meantime here is an itemized list of items found in Sarah's (probably stolen) fine Italian leather bike bag.

· One wallet containing $1.20, 37 credit cards, a picture of Martha Stewart, and a $50 gift certificate for a butt wax at Loretta's House of Sexy Grooming.

· One plastic Mets-Yankees Subway Series 1976 cup (18 oz).

· One pack of Virginia Slims super-ultra-super-slim 120's menthol.

· Four Q-tips.

· One eyeglass case containing what appears to be a tooth.

· One tube of Dr. Scholl's corn remover, expiration date: Oct 1988.

· Several pieces of dry cat food (< 10).

· One passport in the name of a "Chew-Mee" of Bisbee, AZ.

· Two partially used (?) tampons.

· Lots and lots of nicotine gum, some chewed (> 60).

As you can see this is what I would expect from the suspect under search. Not surprisingly Sarah was evasive when questioned directly about the tooth. In any event it was not a waste of resources since Elsa landed the bike bag and has since had it fumigated. I must say she wears it well.

Sincerely,

8 comments:

Flying Mermaid said...

Hhahahahah!

Jeanne said...

hmmm she told me she got rid of that tooth years ago...

Chew-Mee said...

*In a soft voice* Hell-woo Sarah? Jeanne? I'm on a short break on the greyhound bus,I somewhere in Texas I tink.I should b in NYC by saturday,can u come pick me up? Do not believe the lies Gretchen said about me,she is just very jealous of me because boys and girls both like me more than her!Plus she can't even eel dance! I can never go back to Bisbee and I don't want to go back to working in the Nike factory.Can u start to look in da paper if day need a eel dancer in NYC? Good ting u still have my passport I tink I will need it.

Jeanne said...

hmmm...Chew-Mee, maybe you can introduce your eel dances here?

http://www.planetluckychengs.com/

Sarah used to dance here so we have connections...

Driver-Grayhound Bus #69 said...

Will someone please get this Cazed Cambodian Ladyboy and her Stinky Eels off my bus!!!!!!!!!

El-Change-O! said...

Chew-mee, we miss you already, please come back to Bisbee! Jesse and I have been talking, and we've come up with some great new ideas for things that you could do for us! Things will be different this time, please come home!!!

Chew-Mee said...

Ha! I bet u do have more tings for me to do.Like clean up the dog poo,clean house,cook,wash hill-car or clean toilet.By the way what is tat blue crap in the bus toilets? My skin all blue now from my bus escape!I need to find some bleach fast,I look like a smurf.

Jeanne said...

Chew-Mee NYC is not safe for you.
PETA and the ASPCA are monitoring all entrances to the city. They claim you have a long history of eel abuse.