Finally, the answer to the question on everyone's mind,
What---is----in ---- Sarah ------ Ferguson's ----- bikebag?
Shall be revealed......
I write today to inform you of the contents found in Sarah Ferguson's bike bag. The report summarizes the findings of Elsa, head of my secret service detail, who conducted Sarah's strip search. The full report, including results from the rectal swab, will be received from the lab shortly. In the meantime here is an itemized list of items found in Sarah's (probably stolen) fine Italian leather bike bag.
· One wallet containing $1.20, 37 credit cards, a picture of Martha Stewart, and a $50 gift certificate for a butt wax at Loretta's House of Sexy Grooming.
· One plastic Mets-Yankees Subway Series 1976 cup (18 oz).
· One pack of Virginia Slims super-ultra-super-slim 120's menthol.
· Four Q-tips.
· One eyeglass case containing what appears to be a tooth.
· One tube of Dr. Scholl's corn remover, expiration date: Oct 1988.
· Several pieces of dry cat food (< 10).
· One passport in the name of a "Chew-Mee" of Bisbee, AZ.
· Two partially used (?) tampons.
· Lots and lots of nicotine gum, some chewed (> 60).
As you can see this is what I would expect from the suspect under search. Not surprisingly Sarah was evasive when questioned directly about the tooth. In any event it was not a waste of resources since Elsa landed the bike bag and has since had it fumigated. I must say she wears it well.
Moving my blog...
10 months ago