Dear Gretchen April 7, 2008
I am relieved to have learned that you have opted to return my namesake to my army and that your decision was prompted by a sincere and rational plea made by one of the ranking members, namely, the Handy Goddess. Her loyalty and her foresight should be acknowledged as an example for all members of the army. I suggest that an award is in order for her.
In my last letter I may have been a bit harsh on the artist Sarah Ferguson but she is stalking me and so, as you can imagine, my feelings for her languish in the cringeable zone. However, both of you are painters and I think the idea of a "paint-off" is a good one. I would like to lay some ground rules though. Under no circumstances will either of you paint me naked. In fact, I would recommend that you paint a "Shirley" face and Sarah paint a "Hillary" face so that the two paintings can be posted side-by-side for viewers to marvel at. Once the paintings are dried, you should trade. In the event of future sales, 50% of the proceeds should be donated to the Hillary Clinton Army.
I hope this sounds like a reasonable plan. Thank you again for your honorable service.
Moving my blog...
10 months ago