Saturday, August 2, 2008

An open letter to Jeanne

Dear Jeanne,
I am sorry that I over-reacted to your request for THE QUEEN'S ROOM at the White House. Here I was, imagining you wanting to re-paper the walls in your favorite "Lady Godiva" wallpaper, and hang your seashell mobiles from the ceiling, when I'm sure you meant nothing of the sort. As I'm sure you know, THE QUEEN'S ROOM has been a sore subject in the White House for centuries. Jaws dropped when Jackie-O tried moving in, it was such a scandal that no one tried it again until 1992, when 8 year old Chelsea Clinton gave it a go against her parents knowledge. After an intensive restoration process, Chelsea's enormous crayon portraits of her cat "Socks" playing poker were but a fading memory that the Clinton's would like to forget. Chelsea was grounded in her East Bedroom for quite some time, and a lock was installed on THE QUEEN'S ROOM door. Gone, forever, was Chelsea's dreams of being a great artist, how devastating!
It was very sweet of you to suggest that you instead take the Vermeil room, next to Chew-mee's China room. I know you weren't aware of the Clinton fiasco that make THE QUEEN'S ROOM a very delicate subject, and speaking on behalf of the Clintons, this is a door that they would rather not open!
This brings me to another delicate matter. Chew-mee. We all love Chew-mee, but I'm not suggesting you room next to him/her. Chew-mee's eel dancing can get more than a little out-of-hand, and heaven knows s/he can paaarty all night long. The company Chew-mee keeps may not be the sort that you will feel comfortable sleeping near without body guards and dead bolts. Whomever takes the Vermeil room needs to have a fondness for eel dancing, Red Bull Sake bombers, prostitutes and drug-addicted street people. Oh, and did I mention the unbearable stench of rotting eels? I think you would vastly prefer being tucked in by Mother Eagle to being barricaded into the Vermeil room!
On this note, Jeanne, I hope you consider the East Bedroom, Chelsea's old bed room.

Located close to the Master Bedroom, the Clinton's are used to padding over late at night and peeking in. They did it for Chelsea, I'm sure they will do the same for you.

I too will be on this floor, as well as Louise. We would enjoy your company, and I think you would find the peace and quiet you seek.
We will also put you in charge of the key to THE QUEEN'S ROOM, so that you might tottle over once and a while and experience the joys of Royalty.
Gretchen Baer


Anonymous said...

I think that I would choose the central hall,whereI would have direct access to the Beauty palour,in case that I needed an immediate eye lash curl and color,perhaps eye bag reduction,hair removal----oh you know ,all that stuff. and the closet!!!all the ball gowns,the shoes,etc,etc.-----the yellow oval room,with all the wonderful yellow oval stuff. opals,etc.----the stair landing,where I could make a dramatic entry into the treaty room

love23 said...

OK, I'll collage the WEST SITTING ROOM, and use one of the blow up beds at night for sleeping, and in the day people can sit on it. I can't wait to move in!

El-Change-O! said...

The problem with the Central Hall is that is, well, a hallway... a central access way for the entire 2nd floor of the White House. Perhaps would you consider the West Sitting Hall? You will still have access to the Beauty Salon, and to The Closet and all it's wonders, but you won't be so in the way, my dear. How does this sounds to you? The West Sitting Hall is lovely, and has a great view. Mother Eagle loves to rest her wings in this gem of a room!

El-Change-O! said...

Oh my, I'm in yet another quandry! I just just through worming my way out of the last one! Kate, I was just trying to convince "anonymous" into the West Sitting Hall!
My Dear Kate, would you consider the East Sitting Hall? It has a secret staircase to the 3rd floor, as well as mysterious "Room Number 23", which this enquiring mind wants to know more about!

Chew-Mee said...

Dat Right Miss GB ! I'm Wild,Crazy and Free!I'm a Cabodian,Ladyboy,Refugee! And if anyone stay in room next me,better not say one ting about me blasting my ABBA music all night loooong!!!!

El-Change-O! said...

We hear you loud and clear, Chew-mee! I love me some Abba, but I'm glad we aren't staying on the same floor! I like to party too, but I also like to sleep sometimes!

Jesse said...

Ok, as Secret Service I quess I will be on patrol on the Truman Balcony...I'm thinking new lounge chairs and a few potted plants here and there,maybe a mini-bar

El-Change-O! said...

I'm sure we can afford that in our budget. Along with an actual bed for Kate.

Jeanne said...

Oh my! I'm sorry for causing all this fuss! Truthfully, I requested the QUEEN'S BEDROOM because it is a corner room, and I have a few noisy,electrical devices which I sometimes use for in the evening for recreational purposes. I just didn't want to disturb anyone. I am happy in any room, and thank you for the kind gesture in offering the East bedroom.I am so happy I think I am going to surprise the Official Painter of White House Nudes with her favorite dish tonight - Steak-umm Taco Casserole

El-Change-O! said...

Steak-umms... that sounds good, (she says while snacking on Fritos at 4 AM).
Jeanne... how could you possibly have known all the crazy history about THE QUEEN'S ROOM?
It goes much deeper than I wrote about in my blog today, but I try to keep my blog more or less rated PG.
Sometime, over a dinner of steak-umns and plenty of tequila, I'll tell you all I know about the real goings on of THE QUEEN'S ROOM. Noisy electrical devices are just the tip of the iceberg!

Anonymous said...

hi big brass---gene-o would like to put dibs on the Main Loo.He promises to put the seat down,but would like to include a bottle of double trouble bubble soap for the tub,and perhaps a bottle of single malt whiskey for his entertainment---however,he says if he ever catches Agent Louise peeping around he will turn her inside out and wear her in the mud!!!Jackie-o

Anonymous said...

How come that I am back to Anonymous again? Why can't i become a real person?---O --FUDGE!!! jackie--OOoooooh P.S. I really would like the Truman Balcony ,as long as there are no Hawks or Eagles around!---or Socks-Gawd Forbid.---Granny-o